The journey with Pujya Gurudevshri is inexpressible. He gives laughing tears and crying smiles. He is divinity; touching me deeply, making me yearn for more.

Meeting the Master

I first met Pujya Gurudevshri in August 2000 through my niece, Sarvarpit Vaishali Shah. As soon as He saw me He told her, “See your aunt in three years.” I was impressed by Him, but not enough to make me run after Him. He ‘looked’ and ‘ate’ like us. These concepts kept me away from Him. In 2002, when I watched His satsang, I felt touched within. He had mentioned that one should practise observing silence during meal times. I applied it straight away. I felt different. Money and career were all I had sought. Success in them equated to happiness. Late night partying, pursuing fashion and friends was life and fun. Soon, I reached my material goal but there was no joy, I felt empty. In my visit to Mumbai in 2002, I told Him, “The peace I see in Your eyes, I want it.” He replied, “Seek a Guru.”

My Spiritual Journey Begins

He answered my prayers! He came to Manchester and did pratishtha at home and within me forever! He gave birth to a ‘life’ on June 5, 2002. On that day, He gifted me faith and the quality to surrender. I revealed all my wrongdoings, my past to Him. I wrote Him a long letter, emptying my heart completely. From that day, I have felt so light since I hide nothing from Him.

During Paryushan in 2004, He stayed with us for 11 days. After that, I started listening to His satsang every day, even at night, so His teachings would dwell in my subconscious. I suffered from pneumonia, and neither medicine nor money could stop my coughing. I spent sleepless nights which taught me that death exists, making me realise my temporary form, and no one or nothing can come with me. I was running a successful consultancy company. I no longer wanted to work and live in constant thoughts of business, but instead decided to dedicate my life to seva and sadhana. People around me thought I was giving up fun, a career, partying and holidaying with them. But they could not see that I was finding much greater joy in Him, so everything else dropped effortlessly. There was no need to impress or live for others. The attraction of the world began to diminish.

In a trip to Ireland in 2007, He told me to enquire – Why do I need a Guru in my life? I began to realise the importance of a Sadguru and my quest for the true Self began.

Transformation Through Ajnas

He gave me an ajna to meditate for ten minutes every day. Following this with commitment brought stillness and the practice grew to 90 minutes. His every word and action has a message. He told me to connect to God before putting anything in my mouth. He gave me the prayer ‘Hey Hari’ and told me never to forget to say it. I told Him that I did not want to live so far from Him, and He said, “When you wake up in the morning decide your role. The physical long distance doesn’t matter in spirituality. Remove body consciousness and go within. Play the role of ‘Sonal’ to the best.” In 2011, He told me that wherever I wrote my name, I must write peaceful and powerful with it. His ajna brings purpose, not in words but in existence. He wrote, ‘Meditation is not an activity to be done in a peaceful atmosphere, but an art to remain peaceful in all atmospheres. Nothing and nobody should destroy your peace.’ With this learning, I have not gotten irritated for a long time. He has gifted me with an attitude, which has bought me joy and peace.

From Disconnection to Devotion

In South Africa, He asked me at the airport, “Have you heard today’s satsang?” I had not watched the webcast and He said, “I do not expect this from you.” He caught me in my moment of disconnection. Once I invited Him home for breakfast in Mumbai. I had decided and planned as per my will. So I became unaware when He was speaking and had to ask Him the same question again. He said He would not come because He expected that much awareness from me! During a pravachan in 2008, He said, “Sonalben, Sita had everything till she had Shri Rama by her side and she suffered for six months when she lost Him, so always keep your connection with your Sadguru.” On September 15, 2009 I listened to the mind and not the heart. I had not followed His ajna and planned His day in Manchester with three pratishthas, leaving Him with no space for sadhana. I lost His rajipo. I lost the connection. This moment was my worst ever; I would rather die than lose His rajipo. With His grace, my ego began to fall, alertness and devotion increased. My aim was strengthened, to only seek the Truth.

Spiritual Metamorphosis Through Seva

He gave me the first seva to organise a retreat in 2004. There was a lot of kartabhaav and stress. I was always rushing, and attached to perfection. I could not tolerate if a sevak did not follow ‘my way’. I learnt from Him that it is not about defeating people, but about winning them with love.

He filled my days with seva, and I began to experience that He is the doer. Once I spent a lot of time, negotiating a deal for a trip. I thought that was ‘my’ skill. He changed the week of the trip and without effort the price dropped further by 25%.

I realised He is the doer, I am only His murli. In November 2010, when I shouted at Roushab, my son, for keeping Him waiting in the car park, He said, “Nothing should disturb you, otherwise all seva is zero.” Not reacting is experiencing Him. From that moment, I introspect daily and first see my faults, underlying desires and expectations, leaving no space for reactions. Seva is priceless, it keeps me in tune and receptive to Him, making it my lifeline.

Family Life Changes

He brought a tremendous change in my daughter Priyanca. She led a UK lifestyle, but gave it up to seek a higher purpose, to become an Atmarpit in 2009. He told us that He had selected her. We were in elation! He told us not to cry and He planned the entire occasion as a surprise to her, and about fifty members of the family travelled from abroad. This was all planned by Him in a fortnight. He took charge of the family, decreasing my attachment. Roushab is a part of London Youth Group. Now, all of us have only one purpose, one conversation – Him and His bodh. He blessed me with the Vanprastha Diksha in 2010 and with Ajivan Brahmacharyavrat in 2012.

Time is Slipping

In 2008, He gave me the opportunity to do the arpan vidhi for ‘Gangasati bhajans’. He said that be like Paanbai and account for your 21,600 breaths each day. Don’t waste time, work towards your Samyak Darshan. I am there for you now; even I have very little time. The following year – I began to chart out plans of how I could increase my awareness, nirmalta and work towards this purpose. I was in the hospital with angina pain. I called Him; I do not want to die like this! He said ‘jagruti rakhjo’, He predicted there is nothing wrong with me, and all the tests proved it. But learn from this, time is slipping, act fast now.

Inspiring Every Moment

His devotion for Param Krupalu Dev is incomparable, a source of inspiration. He was at first, my Guru’s Guru but now when ‘Param Krupalu Dev’ is mentioned, I am touched and crying. He has created a passion in me, to read Vachanamrutji each day. During Long Island Spiritual Center pratishtha, I got to hold His Charanpaduka; each nerve was bursting in bhakti.

He looks after my well-being and growth. In Udghosh, He asked me what my true nature is expecting me to say peaceful powerful soul, and I said I am full of ego. He said, “murkh che!” Who besides Him inspires to remove my negativities?

He has transformed a career, partygoing person like me to cherish living in Dharampur for weeks! The simplicity, with which He brings the understanding of the Self in us, so that we only seek the Self, is His true greatness. He is the one source of strength, the unmoved mover. He has given me this life and written the divine plan for me. Thank you is never enough!

Titthayrame Pasiyantu.

Please Note: This Tale of Transformation was published in Sadguru Echoes magazine, August 2014 issue.

My love story with Pujya Gurudevshri is like a true Bollywood movie love story with all the drama… First the heroine hates the boy – then she slowly falls in love with him, then there is that inevitable fight which pulls them apart and the joyous reunion and The End, well in my case not the end but the beginning.

The Early Days

Who is this man that Shyam, my husband, is running after? What is so great about Him? Why is Shyam mad after Him? Our life was fine without Him having to come and “ruin” everything for us. As the distance between Shyam and me grew wider, I had inevitably allowed Pujya Gurudevshri to creep into my life, if only to save and salvage our relationship. A friend of mine recommended trying out what Shyam was so interested in. Once I gave Him that little space, little did I know that He would take over my entire life!

The entire process happened underground – it was something solid, committed and deep. It was faith. I had allowed my head to process it, my heart to feel it and now my mouth to speak it. It all started with Tumhari Amrita, a skit, where unknowingly I read every letter of that play looking directly into His eyes. How I spoke I didn’t know, for I had lost my voice and I didn’t know any of the letters by heart. Today I can proudly say it was He who flowed through me. Then came another skit – Mother Teresa.

I remember so clearly, in the Group meeting Bapa was reading, “Come be my light.” I think I must have cried for the first time. I cried through the entire meeting and I still don’t know why. I believe I was washing away the ignorance, the lack of trust and was cleansing my soul for the Lord to begin His work on me, through me. I just could not understand what was happening to me. Was I mad? I had done all these plays because I enjoyed being part of a drama. Little did I know that I had planted a little seed of love and these plays were nurturing them into a strong deep-rooted tree.

After Mother Teresa, He asked me what had touched me the most. Without thinking I replied, “It’s not whether something is big or small, it is how much love you put in that matter.” I had no idea why I said those words but today I realise that from that day on, no matter what I did, I would give it hundred percent of love and I found that nothing was too difficult or impossible to do.

I am a Muslim by birth. And He has constantly encouraged me to read the Holy Quran. He has, on 3 different occasions, given me the Quran personally to read. It was a sign. I need to understand my roots. I started classes in Gujarati. It was beautiful. Every morning I had the teacher come over and we would unravel the mysteries of this wonderful scripture. It was only a medium which brought me closer to Him. Not even once, directly or indirectly did He ever indicate to me that I need to change my religion. It was always about discovering my True Self.

Letting Go

The two most dramatic incidents of my life were when we decided to change our children’s school and moving to Prithvi Apartments. Did He tell us to change their school? No. My kids went to one of the most coveted schools in Mumbai. I was proud of it too, as it was my school. And here He is telling me, looking directly into my eyes that our holidays will not be together now, as that school had holidays in May and the newly started IB school, which other Garbharpits went to, had them in June. But how could I give up such good education for holidays?

Well, He had hinted at something. The hint was not lost on me. It was the beginning of losing ‘Me.’ Those two months, I went through mental turmoil. My attachment to my school and my concepts started loosening. I learnt that all decisions have to be made with your head and your heart working in tandem. If made with only one, most probably it will be the wrong decision. And most importantly, all decisions have to be made with Him being present. No decision is complete if He is not involved in it. And He, in some form or another always gives me my answer. It’s just the matter of how tuned I am with Him. It’s just that much easier.

The second most important incident was moving to Prithvi Apartments. What is so great about that? Well firstly, we are always in His aura. We get to see Him almost every day. Even if it means that we had to move from a large house into a house half its size. It was then I realised that size did not matter; it was your heart which was important. How can you live without His love?

Your world revolves around making Him happy. You live for His smile. The “I” dissolves and He is the most important. What does He like? Is He happy? The world then seems like such a wonderful place. How can you live any other way?

The Big Lesson

The world is so wonderful when in love. I was blessed with seva as the Head of Samarpit Shibir with Sharnarpit Nipa Shah and member of the SRY Programme Management Committee. What more could I ask for? Life was great. But He was not satisfied with life being great. He wanted to free me from my flaws and faults.

During one of the Samarpit Shibirs, Nipa and I were flying high. We got to meet Gurudev every morning and discuss the shibir with Him. On the last day we made a blunder. So badly, that in a second we lost His Rajipo. He was so unhappy that He didn’t even talk to us or give us a chance to say sorry.

The reason of the blunder was that we lost our connection with Him. We thought we had done everything right. But karta bhav, the villain of my love story, destroyed everything by making me weak and lose His connection. The entire evening, from that moment went downhill. Everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. Things that we were so sure about also went wrong.

The biggest realisation to me was that I, Mehnaz, could make a mistake and I too could lose my connection with Him. Something that I thought was impossible. And what is the big deal if you lose connection with Him for a second? What wrong can possibly happen? What wrong? Your entire world can come to a grinding halt. He, you realise, is so important. How much He carries you through your life, through all the good, through all the bad. He is there by your side. This realisation has changed my life forever.

The important thing I have learnt is His love is unconditional; but is mine? His love is boundless; is mine? He is ready to help me; am I ready to take that help? He will be with me no matter what; am I ready to stand with Him no matter what? He has faith in my abilities; do I have faith in mine? He sees God in me; do I see God in myself?

I am one of those blessed souls to have a Guru in my life. How do I even begin to comprehend what I have gained from these priceless experiences. He has been watching over me continuously. Watching and carving and sculpting me slowly but surely. How do I thank Him for what He has done for me? My every step, my every breath is indebted to Him for bringing me to this path. It is His power, His grace, His compassion which has kept me here. It is just His grace, grace and more grace. Thank you does not suffice and are mere words, it is my transformation, my upliftment which I wish to offer at His Lotus Feet.

Please Note: This Tale of Transformation was published in Sadguru Echoes magazine, November 2012 issue.