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His Meera

Atmarpit Meeraben, blessed to offer seva in Pujya Gurudevshri’s kitchen in Dharampur and the head of Photography in the Mission’s Audio – Video Department, expresses how the Sadguru’s impeccable love and guidance are transforming her to reach the pinnacle of devotion like Meerabai
Like a Divine Father, Gurudev has protected me,
Like a Divine Mother,
Gurudev has nurtured me,
Whatever I am is because of Him,
Without Him, my life is nothing.

Main Toh Saawre Ke Rang Rachi

July 31, 1989 was the day I, Shruti Khokhani entered this world. But that day holds no meaning as my true life began in the year 1991 when I met Gurudev for the first time in this life. My family was completely in awe of a divine Sadguru, who was just 25 years old at that time. He was the answer to all that they ever asked for. He was the centre of our lives and my journey began.

In 1991, we had gone to Palitana. Before the pilgrimage of Shri Shatrunjay Tirth, Gurudev looked into my eyes and lovingly said, “Bhagwan is waiting for you at the top. Will you climb the mountain yourself to meet Him?” I was just 2.5 years old then. Hearing His words, I started climbing. My mother asked me several times during the pilgrimage whether I wanted to be carried, but I refused as Gurudev had asked me to climb. A few steps away from the top, Gurudev saw me. He rushed towards me. He changed my name from Shruti to Meera and blessed me with an ektara that day, giving me the goal of my life! The way Meera lived only for her Krishna, I too would live only for my Gurudev!

Children my age would play with toys, games and friends, but my childhood is full of vivid memories with Gurudev. He blessed me with a mantra – Param Krupalu Dev mara maathe chhe, haathe chhe, saathe chhe. I was to recite it every day before I slept. Holding my tiny hands, He made me write my first word, ‘Raj’. I was a fearful child especially afraid of animals. Gurudev would make me draw animals and write ‘Raj’ in them. What a wonderful way to dissolve my fear by making me see God in them and increase my faith for Param Krupalu Dev!

Main Toh Prem Diwani

Being the youngest child in the family I was pampered by everyone. Anything I desired, I received in a matter of hours. I was extremely stubborn. Gurudev would remark, “She will not listen to even Indra, Chandra, Nagendra but if I tell her, she will listen.” He was the steadfast pillar in my life and my love for Him never changed, no matter what.

Due to my lifestyle, waking up early was a task and 11 a.m. was usually when my morning began. Once, Gurudev told me that I had to wake up by 7.30 a.m. from then on. I was wide-eyed, but His word was my command. I asked myself, “Do I truly love Gurudev?” If yes, why couldn’t I do such a small thing that He had asked me to do. As the days went by, He changed the time to 6 a.m. and finally He has trained me in such a way that I can wake up at the time He tells me to.

During Paryushan Parva in 2007, I had fasted for 11 days to win Gurudev’s rajipo. People who knew me thought that this was a herculean task as generally I would start getting blackouts even if a single meal was delayed. On the day of my parna, Gurudev told me, “You could not have accomplished this with your shakti, this is only because of your strong-headedness, stubbornness and your love!” This is the beauty of Gurudev – He had converted my stubbornness into determination that helped me on the spiritual path.

The word ‘shopping’ was like music to my ears. I bought everything I liked, without looking at the price tag! Gurudev once remarked that Meera has the capacity to spend 5 lakh rupees in 5 minutes. The good thing was while shopping for things I liked, I would think of Him and buy something for Him as well. But whenever I did this, I realised that He did not want or need anything as He had Param Krupalu Dev. I did not have that contentment even after I bought half the store. Gradually, my craze for shopping started to diminish and the longing for the bliss He experienced started to increase.

In 2009, I was blessed with the opportunity to cook for Him thrice a week. That was the only time I went into the kitchen willingly and wholeheartedly. Once, He light-heartedly remarked, “Meera cooks for me with her long nails and the nail polish goes in my food.” On Jnan Pancham that year, when everyone offered Him books and pens; I offered my cut nails and nail paint. With a broad smile, He shook hands with me and said, “This is the best thing you could have given me, the food going in my stomach wasn’t important, it was important to check if you had surrendership.” He made giving up things so easy.

I am repulsed by the smell of malai and feel like throwing up immediately. Once, Gurudev asked me to eat malai saying that I would be out of the Ashram if I threw up. I silently ate it and didn’t vomit. Gurudev sweetly remarked to those around, “My ajna is enough for her, she will not throw up.” So easily He works on my likes and dislikes.

Shyam Mane Chakar Rakho Ji

A significant intersection in my life arrived when I had to choose a path, to be His Atmarpit or to get married. Gurudev’s beauty is He never enforces something on you, He will help you see its true nature, and make it your realisation.

I loved Gurudev’s samagam and the luxuries of the world too. So He asked me to talk to 6 couples who I thought were very happy in their lives. I smartly chose couples who received a lot of His samagam and interrogated them thoroughly! To my surprise, they were not happy in spite of this, as they could not focus on spirituality fully and their investment of love was in both places. In that period, I happened to speak with Atmarpit Nemiji. Contentment and joy oozed out of his voice as he spoke about Gurudev! It struck me that if I got married, no matter how much I loved God, my love would get divided and priorities would change eventually. I cannot have both – Him and the world. In His aura, I am a better me, I evolve and I am happy. I mailed Gurudev saying that the one who is truly happy is an Atmarpit. He replied, ‘All the best.’

On July 31, 2013 my 24th birthday, He surprised me by approving my decision of taking the divine path. On September 26, 2013 dancing and singing “Main sasural nahi jaungi, Gurudev ke sang rahungi,” I became His Atmarpit.

He has made religion easy and meaningful – a journey where one can experience joy and evolution each day, so much so that a person like me could embark on the path of renunciation. Imagine a life of being in tune with God 24/7, living, serving and doing everything for Him! This is an Atmarpit life, where reality is better than my dreams.

I am blessed to serve in His kitchen at the Ashram. Every chore becomes a meditation, as useless thoughts disappear and the Divine becomes my focus. Another blessed seva, that captures my focus is photography! I eagerly wait to learn new angles so that I can capture His each and every mudra. I never want to get off the camera when tears roll down His cheeks on seeing Param Krupalu Dev. Those tears are the most beautiful expression in the world. His bhakti is unparalleled.

In the first shibir after my diksha, Gurudev told me, “Your trump card is your love for God,” and He blessed me saying, “Just be Meera.” And that’s all I ever want to be – His Meera. He has invested so much in me and no matter how many words of praise I utter, no matter how many deeds I do to serve Him, I will never be able to convey even an ounce of my gratitude.

He had once said that everything good that I have in this life is the fruit of doing Param Krupalu Dev’s seva and bhakti in the past. Now I pray that all my efforts are directed towards attaining divine union with Him. And it is possible as Param Krupalu Dev is always with me!


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